Founder Announces Company Is “Default Alive” While Standing in Front of Repossessed Office Furniture
PALO ALTO, CA — “We’ve never been healthier,” said the CEO, seated on the floor where a desk used to be.
By Crash Windward
PALO ALTO, CA — In an all-hands meeting conducted via personal hotspot, startup founder Devon Mraz assured his remaining two employees Monday that the company was “default alive,” a claim he made while seated cross-legged on the floor of an office from which most of the furniture had been repossessed the previous afternoon.
“I want to be transparent with you guys, because transparency is one of our core values,” said Mraz, 31, whose Aeron chair had been loaded onto a truck by a leasing company at 2 p.m. Friday. “The fundamentals have never been stronger. We are absolutely default alive.”
The term, which describes a startup that can reach profitability on its existing funds, was reportedly chosen by Mraz over alternatives such as “default dead,” “clinically deceased,” and “the thing that is currently happening.”
Pressed by an employee on how the company could be default alive given that payroll had bounced twice, Mraz explained that he was “looking at a different set of numbers,” which he declined to show anyone and which he later admitted were “mostly vibes and one really good Tuesday in 2024.”
“Runway is a mindset,” Mraz said, as a man in a polo shirt quietly removed the conference room television behind him. “If you believe you have runway, you have runway. The bank account is just one perspective.”
Sources confirmed the company’s current cash position is “negative,” its lead investor has stopped opening emails, and its head of growth left to take a salaried role at a company that has both a product and customers.
Mraz remained undeterred. “Amazon wasn’t profitable for years,” he said, citing a comparison made by every founder in this exact situation since 2009. “We’re basically early Amazon. Except instead of books we have a Notion doc, and instead of warehouses we have this room, which we have to be out of by Thursday.”
At press time, Mraz had updated his LinkedIn headline to “Building something special 🚀” and was reportedly drafting an upbeat investor update with the subject line “Momentum.”