Startup Claims Revolutionary AI Technology Is Actually Just Guy Googling Things
By Crash Windward
SAN FRANCISCO—In what industry experts are calling "the most honest startup pitch of 2024," local tech company NeuralMind announced this week that their revolutionary AI-powered decision-making platform is actually just a 23-year-old intern named Kevin who Googles things and sends the results via Slack.
"After 18 months of development and $2.3 million in seed funding, we've finally perfected our breakthrough technology," said NeuralMind CEO Chad "The Visionary" Thompson during a press conference. "It's essentially a human being who can look things up on the internet and then tell you what he found. We call it 'KevinGPT.'"
The revelation came after several investors requested a technical demonstration of the company's proprietary algorithms, only to discover that the "AI" was actually Thompson's roommate from Stanford, Kevin Chen, sitting in a back room with three monitors and a Red Bull addiction.
"Look, I've been in this business for 15 years, and I've seen some things that would make a grown man weep," said one venture capitalist who wished to remain anonymous. "But this is the first time I've seen someone raise millions of dollars for what is essentially a glorified research assistant."
According to company documents, NeuralMind's "revolutionary" features include:- Real-time information retrieval (Kevin Googling things)- Natural language processing (Kevin reading the results)- Machine learning capabilities (Kevin getting better at Googling over time)- 24/7 availability (Kevin's sleep schedule is completely destroyed)
"Honestly, it's kind of refreshing," said tech analyst Sarah Martinez. "Most startups would have just lied about having AI and hoped no one noticed. At least these guys are being upfront about the fact that they're charging $50,000 a month for a college kid with internet access."
The company's valuation has actually increased since the revelation, with several investors citing "transparency" and "authenticity" as key differentiators in the crowded AI market.
"Kevin is actually really good at finding things on the internet," said Thompson. "He's been doing it since he was 12. That's 11 years of experience. You can't just build that kind of expertise overnight."
When reached for comment, Kevin Chen said he was "pretty stoked" about the whole situation and was looking forward to using his newfound wealth to buy a Tesla and finally move out of his parents' basement.
"Honestly, I was just happy to have a job where I could work from home and wear sweatpants," said Chen. "I didn't realize I was going to become the face of the AI revolution."
The company plans to scale their operations by hiring additional "AI nodes"—industry speak for "more people who can Google things"—and expanding into new markets including legal research, medical diagnosis, and relationship advice.
"Kevin's great, but he's only one person," said Thompson. "We're looking to hire at least three more Kevins by the end of the quarter."
