Area Founder Gets LinkedIn Request From Potential Acquirer

Crash Windward

04 Sep 2025 — 1 min read

CLEVELAND, OH — Local tech entrepreneur Marcus Whitfield reportedly spent 47 minutes crafting the perfect "thanks for connecting" message after receiving a LinkedIn request from someone whose bio mentioned "M&A Advisory" and "Strategic Partnerships," sources close to the increasingly desperate founder confirmed Tuesday.

Whitfield, whose AI-powered dog walking app "PupSync" has been hemorrhaging venture capital for the past 18 months, immediately began analyzing the profile of Janet Morrison, Senior Vice President at Growth Capital Ventures.

"I'm not saying I'm ready to sell," said Whitfield, who has been ready to sell since the day after launch. "But if Janet wants to discuss synergistic opportunities to leverage our innovative platform in the pet care ecosystem, I'm obviously open to exploratory conversations."

Area Founder Spends 14 Hours This Week Planning Podcast That Will Definitely Launch "Once Things Slow Down"

DENVER, CO — Local startup founder David Park has reportedly devoted significant mental bandwidth this week to conceptualizing his future podcast empire, meticulously planning everything from potential guest lists to merchandise designs for a show that he admits will probably start "sometime after we close Series A and the team

Area Founder Begins Every Email With "Hope All Is Well" Despite Mounting Evidence to Contrary

SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Local startup founder Marcus Chen has reportedly begun opening all business correspondence with the phrase "Hope all is well" this week, a linguistic choice that colleagues describe as "increasingly concerning" given his company's current financial situation and the fact that his

AI Company Hires Its First Human Employee After Mounting Political Pressure

PALO ALTO, CA — Following months of congressional hearings and public outcry over workforce diversity, leading AI company NeuroMax Industries announced Tuesday that it has hired its first human employee, 34-year-old Joe Matherson of Sunnyvale, California. "We're thrilled to welcome Joe to our all-artificial team," said NeuroMax

Area Founder Does Product Demo, Product Inexplicably Functions as Intended for First Time in Company History

AUSTIN, TX — In what industry experts are calling a "statistical impossibility," local startup founder Derek Holloway successfully demonstrated his company's AI-powered scheduling assistant to potential investors yesterday without the software crashing, generating racist poetry, or attempting to order 40,000 bananas from a Korean grocery delivery

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Area Founder Spends 14 Hours This Week Planning Podcast That Will Definitely Launch "Once Things Slow Down"

Area Founder Begins Every Email With "Hope All Is Well" Despite Mounting Evidence to Contrary

AI Company Hires Its First Human Employee After Mounting Political Pressure

Area Founder Does Product Demo, Product Inexplicably Functions as Intended for First Time in Company History